


The One Where Dave Moves Out

by eighth_chiharu



Series: The One Where Dave's a Vampire [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Blood, Gen, M/M, Vampires, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-08-10 02:45:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 4,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7827289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eighth_chiharu/pseuds/eighth_chiharu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After saving Dirk, Dave goes back to the apartment to enjoy some peace and quiet, but Rose has a proposition for him, one that ends up giving them all more than they bargained for...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. natural progression

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Vampire AU](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/222865) by eighthchiharu. 



  * Their time in the movie theater is quiet, but brief. They sit in the dark, waiting for the start of a film they’re never going to see, Dirk asking questions and Dave answering as best he can (which isn’t very well, since he has little to no idea how he managed to wake up this early). Dirk has a hot dog and an Orange Crush, which, along with the sticky floor and the low lights, remind Dave of a carnival that happened a century ago. Once he’s finished eating, Dirk slumps in his seat and lays his head against Dave’s shoulder, his phone glowing in the gloom as he texts Rose. Dave kisses his head out of habit. Dirk doesn’t seem to mind.
  * They leave when the previews begin and other customers start to trickle in. It’s five thirty, and Dave stretches under the reddening sky, feeling lighter every second the twilight grows. Stronger than before, more awake. Dirk says he knows Rose and Dave are better, but he asks if they can hurry anyhow. Dave gives him half a smile.
  * They run home.
  * Rose is on the couch with a blanket over her lap when the two of them burst in, Dirk panting and sweaty, both of them windblown, their hair a mess. Dirk runs to her, and she catches him in a calm hug, patting his back, reassuring him. She seems like her health has improved since she woke Dave that afternoon, but she’s still not as well as Dave would like her to be.
  * Dave makes himself useful preparing tea for her while Dirk tells her his saga, in somewhat truncated detail. Dave appreciates Dirk leaving out the part about the brainwashing. Now that they’re safe again, he knows it was probably cruel and invasive, and not what a decent person would do. He’ll have to see about fixing it.
  * Rose listens, her hand on Dirk’s knee, nodding at all the important parts, expressing outrage at the injustice of taking away someone’s phone. When he’s done, she hugs him again, and tells him she’s glad he did his best to obey the rules, and that civil disobedience is a difficult concept, and she understands how hard it would’ve been for him to come to her any sooner. Dirk is fairly glowing with contentment. Dave figures he won’t leave Rose’s side for at least an hour. He’s readying himself for an evening of Rose’s favorite TV programs (Mystery!Classic, and the Knitting Channel, yeesh, why can’t she like the Food Channel, at least?) when Rose looks at him, taking hold of Dirk’s hand.
  * “Since you’re both here, this is a good time to talk about solidifying our arrangement. It’s been three years, and we’ve been lucky, but I don’t think we ought to rely on luck anymore. Stop looking confused, Dave, it doesn’t suit you. You know what we need to do, and you’ve had to have reached the same conclusion: I want to become your Human Servant.”




	2. overreaching

  * Dave’s jaw drops. He tries to close it, but being blindsided tends to shake a person up, and he can’t quite seem to control himself.
  * Dirk watches them both, puzzlement erasing half of the good cheer he’s just regained – and then something angry spills over his features. His mouth opens, too, but not in surprise. In protest.
  * Thoughts of what Dave did to Coach Peixes crowd in, along with older, uglier memories of what happened the last time Dave tried to make a human servant – at Bro’s suggestion, as he recalls. He shakes his head, both in denial and to clear away the clinging trauma, and speaks first to cut off Dirk.
  * “No. We can’t. Never mind what it is, Dirk, it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to do it. This isn’t a made-for-TV movie, Rose. You don’t know what you’re asking. _No_.”




	3. present argument

They react almost exactly as she expected. Tired but unruffled, more determined than anything, Rose holds her ground. She has today’s circumstances on her side, and sometimes, that’s the most damning evidence one can have. “It’s best for everyone, Dave. Surely you can see that. This mishap at the school was small in comparison to what could have happened.”

Dave shakes his head sharply. “I can’t. You don’t know what you’re asking. It’ll change you.”

“I know that,” she says calmly. Oh, does she know it. She’s well aware of what may happen if Dave Marks her, and she’s prepared. More than prepared. Anticipatory.

“Last time –” Dave breaks off, shaking his head again, running a hand through his hair as if to wipe away the repulsive thoughts.

“Last time doesn’t matter. You’re better-equipped this time, and you have me to help you.”

“Wait, what are you guys talking about?” Dirk frowns at both of them. “What the hell is a human servant? Is this like all those lame-ass late-night vampire movies? The scrawny guy with the glasses who always wants to suck out spider guts?”

“Blood, dear,” Rose says, squeezing Dirk’s hand. “He wants the blood from the flies, not the spider. But that won’t happen, that’s a myth.”

Dave won’t look at her. “It’s not a myth. You’ll do it, too. When it happens, you’ll want the same things I want. You have to, you have to have the same priorities –”

Rose resists an impatient noise, keeping her voice even, steady. “You know that’s not true. The Mark has nothing to do with bloodlust, only with strength.”

Dave’s laugh is short and disparaging. “Because you’re the vampire expert! You know all about how this works, you’ve done it a bazillion times, it’s super easy for you! Why don’t we just have you do it, since you know so much?”

“Since she knows so much about what?” Dirk asks, glancing from Dave to Rose and back. “What’re you talking about?”

Rose’s head is starting to throb, her carefully maintained facade crumbling. She’s not well enough to have a prolonged argument. She should’ve realized Dave would be resistant to this, but her avarice clouded her usually pristine vision. “The First Mark is hardly anything, you know this as well as I. It’s to improve strength and immunity, not force proclivities on someone.”

Dirk is at the edge of his seat, leaning in, voice louder, anxious. “What the fuck is the Mark? What are you guys doing?”

“Nothing,” Dave says. He won’t stop fidgeting. His hand goes to his pocket, returns to his hair, rakes at it. “We’re not doing anything, any of this.”

“It’s the only way to make sure this doesn’t happen again,” Rose argues. “You’re being petulant, Dave, and you’re putting Dirk in danger.”

“I’m putting Dirk in danger? What are you going to do if you decide you want Dirk as a snack? Who’s going to stop you in the middle of the day? You’re not supposed to be one of us, you’re supposed to be there for him when I can’t!”

“That won’t happen, I’m telling you –”

“Both of you, _shut the hell up!”_

Dirk’s voice breaks on the shout, startling Rose and Dave into silence. They finally look at each other, a flickering, brief exchange, and she extends a hand out to her boy, meaning to calm him. Dirk yanks his arm back, keeping out of reach. She stares in surprise, the rejection smarting like a slap.

“No, stop it. Don’t try to shush me, Rose. I’m tired of you guys arranging everything around me like I’m still nine. I’m not! I’m old enough to know what the fuck is going on. Rose is sick, Dave, you can’t yell at her like that – and you don’t know everything, Rose, even if you think you do! Now you’re gonna tell me what you’re talking about, because it has to do with me, and then _I’ll_ let you know whether or not it’s a good idea. Understand?”


	4. need-to-know basis

They give each other that look again, the parental one that means Watch-out-the-kid-can-spell-he-knows-what-C-O-O-K-I-E-means.

“All right,” Dave says slowly. “You deserve to know. You’re part of this family.”

“You think?” I say, still irritated. “So spill it. What ‘mark’ is she talking about? What’s it got to do with the servant thing?”

Rose leans back against the couch, and I kinda feel guilty for getting angry when she’s still really pale. “A human servant,” she begins, in the tone that means sit-back-it’s lecture-time, “is someone who –”

“I’ll tell him,” Dave interrupts. His hair is a mess, but his hands are still. He looks like an actor about to deliver the big monologue. I feel bad about pushing him, too, but seriously. Talking around me isn’t right.

Doesn’t stop me from wanting to go fix his hair. To put my fingers in it, tug on it, feel its soft thickness –

“A human servant is someone under a vampire’s control.”

I blink, and Rose makes a really dirty sound, one I’d get in trouble for making in class after everyone laughed at it.

Dave ignores her and keeps going, his whole body making it obvious he doesn’t like what he’s saying. “The vampire marks the human’s soul, binding them to the vampire. From then on, the person is compelled to do what’s best for the vampire.”

“Yes, make it sound as terrible as possible,” Rose mutters. “Don’t tell him the truth, he might approve of it. He might even want you to do it to him.”

Dave’s eyes flash – literally. They glow red like an ambulance’s light for just a second, then return to that sort of auburn-red they usually are. “Don’t you ever say that,” he says tightly. “Don’t even joke about it.”

Rose glares back. “I wasn’t joking. It’d be safer for all of us if –”

“He’s too young,” Dave snaps. “It’s not allowed. See, this just proves you don’t know what the fuck you’re trying to do –”

“I do know!” Rose says, putting both hands to her forehead. She presses against it, her fingertips white. “It was a slip, I didn’t – ”

“You’re both pissing me the fuck off,” I say, and I have to be loud again, because they just want to argue. They don’t want to listen, or explain, and I hate it when adults don’t make any fucking sense. They’re older than me – Dave is way fucking older – and they should know better. “That’s it, no-one talks unless I say so, and I don’t care how you feel about that, because you’re doing a seriously shitty job of anything resembling parenting right now. So Dave? Sit down.” I point at the armchair and snap my fingers. “And Rose? You go first.”


	5. hide your light

The fact that Dirk chose her to go first gives her yet another advantage. He trusts Dave, but he doesn’t trust Dave’s _explanation –_ at least, not that it will be unbiased. She’ll have to treat carefully, but if she can win Dirk over, maybe Dave will relent.

Ignoring the exhaustion gnawing at her, Rose folds her hands in her lap. She can’t afford another mistake. “All right. What Dave said is mostly true. A human servant is someone marked by a vampire. We don’t know for sure if it’s their soul or their mind being marked, but whichever it is, it irrevocably links them.”

“Wait,” Dirk says, waving a hand, “how does that even work? What do you mean, mark? How?”

Rose touches one finger to her palm, drawing a circle there. “Metaphysically. Their power leaves a mark, sort of like a tattoo, but on the spiritual, magical level. Other vampires can see it, and it’s a sign to them that the human bearing it is off-limits.”

Dave shifts, but stays silent. She’s impressed he’s managing to contain himself this long on a subject he feels so strongly about.

Dirk snorts. “Oh, like branding cattle. I guess that makes sense. Wouldn’t want another vamp poaching on your food, right?”

“ _Not_ like cattle,” Rose says, her tone reproachful. “Not at all. It’s a special bond, very rare. Only a few humans are ever chosen.”

“Okay, I get it, it’s for special cows. I mean, humans.” Dirk flashes Rose a teasing smile. “So what’s the big deal? Why can’t you have one?”

Rose shrugs, refusing to meet Dave’s eyes. She can feel his stare, and she won’t allow herself to be thrown off course. “That’s for Dave to say. Perhaps because it’s an indelible mark that can only be erased when both parties are willing.”

Dirk’s eyebrows go up, and he glances at Dave. “Whoa, you mean the human can refuse to give the mark up?”

“Sort of,” Rose hums. Truthfulness is important, even if it’s not the whole truth. A grain of truth makes any lie believable. “I’m quite certain the vampire could do away with the human if they needed to. Saying no to a vampire can be a dangerous business.”

Dirk laughs. “I guess, but you do it all the time. Maybe he’s afraid you’ll hold him hostage. Be linked forever.” He laughs again, then stops. His smile dies. “Wait, is that what the mark means? That you’ll be linked forever?”

“Well, in a way –“

“Like marriage?”

“No,” Rose says quickly, and at the same time, Dave says, “Yes.”


	6. shame the devil

  * Dirk’s heart speeds up and his head swivels towards Dave, mute demand burning in his autumn eyes. Dave can’t be serious. Dave had better _not_ be serious.
  * Dave is serious. They don’t know what can happen once he and Rose are linked, what _will_ happen. He knows it. He’s lived it. The question is, does Rose know?
  * She watches him with her best attempt at equanimity, composed despite her discomfort. She’s not upset like Dirk is. She could be feeling other things besides casual curiosity, but her illness is masking any physiological signs Dave can sense. He looks away; trying to read her so obviously makes him feel cheap. She deserves his trust; she’s proved it enough times over the years.
  * She’s precious to them now.
  * He looks at his hands, his tongue unwilling to cooperate. But he has no choice. He has to tell them, because Rose is right. Now is the perfect time to seal his relationship with her. It makes sense: she needs the extra strength, and he doesn’t want to lose her to illness or time. He wants to keep Rose as safe as possible - and that’s where the conflict comes in.
  * “If we do this - if I give you the First Mark - you’ll get what you want. But that’s not all you’ll get. If I’m hurt, you get my pain. If you’re hurt, I get yours. And there’s someone out there who can’t wait for me to feel that, Rose. Your pain. He’s done it before. If you give him this chance, he’ll do it again.”




	7. done hiding

“You mean Ambrose.”

Dave’s gaze slides to me. He pauses, then nods.

Ambrose. The man who claimed to be my uncle, but who’s actually more related to Dave somehow? Maybe he’s Dave’s uncle. I don’t know, I never asked, and we don’t talk about him. I do know he’s also a vampire, and not a good one like Dave. Other than that, it’s been more than fine with me that the psycho is MIA.

I haven’t seen him since that night four years ago, and I’ll keep it that way myself if it means Dave can relax. Dave won’t admit it, but Ambrose is what’s behind every worry of his, Ambrose keeps him from doing things that might make his life better or make us happy. I get it, I mean, I know what happened, I was there. And maybe I don’t remember it all just the way it was, maybe I’m remembering Ambrose bigger and badder than he is, but I don’t think so.

Even if I am, I remember his hands perfectly.

The black fingerless gloves he wore. The ridiculous strength of his grip. The way both calluses and gloves rasped against my skin. The impossibility of escape.

“You’re worried that piece of shit is gonna come after Rose? Is that what this is all about?”

Dave is grim. “It’s not a worry. It’s a certainty. If he finds out, he’ll do it.”

I curl my lip. I don’t even mean to, it just happens. If Ambrose wants to fight, I’ll meet him - but it’ll be on my terms, and the bastard will be in for a big surprise. I’m not 10 anymore.

“Let him try,” I say. “Let the fucker _try._ ”


	8. boy scout motto

  * Dirk is right.
  * That’s a stunning declaration for anyone, but for a vampire playing big brother to a humanly fragile fourteen-year-old boy, it’s an especially large admission. It’s just as easy to be wrong as it is to be right, but Dave has no interest in being wrong, or in staying wrong once he realizes what the better choice is.
  * If he Marks Rose, Bro will come. If he doesn’t Mark Rose, Bro will still come. He may not come for twenty years, but he will come before her lifetime ends, and certainly before Dirk’s. Rose made sure of that when she hurt him.
  * Bro doesn’t like to be thwarted.
  * The rest of what Dave knows won’t help. He can’t tell them about Marcus, about how it felt to cower in an abandoned shack while his Servant was torn limb from limb, screaming for Dave’s help in the fading sunlight, the psychic link they shared the only thing that let Dave hear Marcus’ voice over the twelve miles between them. He can’t tell them that Bro did it on purpose, that he hired people to take their time, make Marcus’ suffering last hours. He can’t tell Dirk that, or Rose, because it won’t change their minds. They didn’t feel Marcus’ tendons snapping, his flesh tearing, the blood and urine hot on his thighs. They weren’t there.
  * And Dirk is right. It doesn’t matter. They’ve made their case. Now they want to see if Dave will honor the outcome of the argument. If he believes in being prepared. If he believes in justice. With an effort, Dave gets to his feet.
  * “Move over, Dirk. I need to be close for this to work. I need to sit next to Rose.”




	9. Chapter 9




	10. right about now

Bro crouches in the little access stairwell of the building across from Dave’s, roof door open and blocking the remaining sunlight, his eyes trained on Dave’s window. The curtains are closed, but that doesn’t matter. Dave’s his Offspring; he can sense Dave almost anywhere, with or without line-of-sight. It gives him certain perks – like his Dave-sense, which is tingling like crazy.

His little brother is doing something naughty, and the crackling, dark energy he’s sending out makes Bro smile in anticipation.

Cute, dumb baby. Dave’s adorable, has been since he was born, but he’s got no brains. It ain’t occurred to him that maybe he can walk outside in the afternoon, or use the Voice better than ever, ‘cause it’s just _time_. Dave doesn’t try to grow at all, always underestimates himself. Little man’s got no confidence. Always gotta be looking outward instead of in, trailing after some human or other, begging for scraps of affection it ain’t even worth the effort to get.

It’s damn good for Dave he’s got Bro to egg him on, to get him to try new things, otherwise Ambrose’s little brother might be skulking in the shadows forever, milk-feeding his weak human descendants when he could be doing something incredible.

Shaking his head at Dave’s short-comings, Bro shuts his eyes, going still. He finds the bond he shares with Dave, that tether way down deep inside him, and tests it carefully. It twangs, for lack of a better word, and he can feel Dave twitch at the other end. A cold grin splits Bro’s face, and he sends his influence down the psychic tether, a sly rat racing across a power line toward an open nursery window.

Dave’s a sweet, stupid baby, but Bro hasn’t given up on him. He needs a little extra nudging, but what child doesn’t? And the best thing about babies? They never see you comin’.


	11. not again

  * It hits him like a sucker punch to the head. One second he’s doing okay, he’s tired, but he’s okay, and the next…
  * The next he’s grabbing her. Her arm is extended, she’s giving herself to him of her own free will, and she smells _delicious_.
  * His seizes her wrist. It’s soft beneath his fingers, bones as delicate as china to his inhuman strength. He wants to pull her closer and climb on top of her. Crush her beneath his weight. Plunge his teeth into her, pierce her, let the blood run.
  * He knows he shouldn’t. He remembers who she is, he cares for her. And he had blood before he went out to get the kid, he shouldn’t be like this. Shouldn’t have his canines out, sleek and sharp against his tongue, or his foot on the sofa, muscles tense, ready to tackle her. 
  * His conscience is in free fall, spiraling away into the empty hunger that’s rising up, dark and voracious, and inhibition is getting farther and farther with every beat of her heart. 
  * As far as he was from Marcus. 
  * She’s warm and weak. Trapped, afraid. She can’t get away. She’s his, and there’s something he’s supposed to do with her, something important, but oh, she smells. So. _Good_. 




	12. table service

She gasps when Dave grabs her wrist, his fingers digging into her skin, turning the flesh there white. Her gaze flies to his, alarm rippling over her like a dunk into an icy pool. He’s different. 

Something’s wrong.

Dirk shifts from one foot to the other. “Hey,” he says, and his tone is hesitant, an uneasy laugh embedded in it. “Uh, not to interrupt, but is this gonna get, y'know, messy?”  
  
Dave raises his head the bare inch required to gift his little brother with a wordless, alien stare. His grip on Rose doesn’t lessen. His face is close, close enough that she can see his eyes are red behind his sunglasses. They’re a bright, liquid red.  
  
The bitter tang of fear floods her mouth, sharp at the back of her throat. Her heart trips, stutters, and slams into high gear.  
  
Dave’s eyes slide to hers. One corner of his mouth quirks up in a slow smirk.

It’s the illness. It must be. She doesn’t spook easily, and fuck Dave if he believes he can terrify her with his mood swings.

“Dirk, dear.” Years of practice, first with her mother, then with the children, help keep her voice steady, even matronly. Dave squeezes, slowly, slowly, and something in her arm creaks in protest. She refuses to let the pain touch her voice. “Go down to Mr Elrod’s apartment and ask for some vinegar. We’re all out.”  
  
Dirk blinks, affronted. “What? No, I wanna stay. I wanna see this. If anyone’s gonna be bonded to Dave for life and it’s not me, I get to watch.”  
  
“I think perhaps this is supposed to be a private ceremony.” Dave’s hand slides to her upper arm. One socked foot is on the couch, bent beneath him like a coiled spring. He’s watching her. He can hear Dirk, but he’s ignoring him. He’s playing with her.  
  
Her charge is petulant, irritated. “Look, I get that you guys are gonna get weird and Dracula-y, but Dave said I’m part of this family, and I am. We’re protecting ourselves, and you can’t throw me out like some little kid.”  
  
“Dirk.” It’s sharper than she intended, her emotions escaping, so she frowns at him, the Angry Mother frown. The one that brooks no disobedience. “I didn’t plan this, now do as I –”  
  
The attack is a blur, soundless as a keen blade slicing through silk. Dave strikes like a snake, biting her lie right out of the air – _she was lying, wasn’t she, she had planned this all day, she was very prepared, except for this one tiny hiccup_ – 


	13. funk soul brother

Up until the blood, I think Dave is being dramatic.

 

I mean, c'mon, this is Dave we’re talking about. This is the guy who remixed the Bewitched theme song with the Winx theme song for Rose’s birthday, hired a stripper to dance to it. The same guy who answered every knock at the door one Halloween night while floating six inches off the floor just to see if anyone noticed. The guy who leaves $50 tips at Corner Bakery when he buys me dinner so he can watch the employees get all excited. He lives for showing off.

What other reason would there be to act so fucking creepy? He’s making Rose and me pay for ganging up on him and getting him to juice her up. I get that, I understand. He’s dramatic and sulking and being a punk. Whatever, everyone’s allowed to be immature once in a while.

Then he bites her.

She doesn’t scream. Rose doesn’t do things like that. But she makes this noise I’ve never heard before, an awful mewling sound, an animal sound, and my stomach drops.

“Jesus, Dave,” I snap, and I kinda wanna slap him, “you’re hurting her. Stop being such a d – ”

Blood blossoms dewy-flowered crimson on her blanket, over her chest. She shoves at him, glowing hands on his shoulders but eyes on me, huge and lavender, the whites too big. She mouths silently at me with her makeup-free lips: _Run_.

I gape, my brain refusing to believe what she’s telling me. What’s happening. Dave wouldn’t. He swore it, he would never.

But he is.

I move.

I slam into Dave as hard as I can – just like you showed me, thanks, Dave – and knock him over the arm of the couch, tumbling after him, hitting the floor on top of him in some kind of backwards reminder of that night four years ago. My elbow nails him in the gut as I roll off, but he doesn’t even notice. He claws at me, ripping my t-shirt.

“Jesus Christ, Dave, stop it! Stop it!” Fuck, I sound like I’m ten again, voice too high, breath too fast. This isn’t real, or something’s wrong, he would never do this to us, to _me –_

He springs and plows me into the wall. The windows rattle when we hit, the blow stunning. The apartment lights up, but I can’t tell if it’s the stars in my eyes or something else.

We bounce off and Dave is over me, on me, back to the wall, one knee on my left arm, the other to the side. I could kick him in the nuts, but he won’t feel it. I’m not strong enough. He’s got Rose’s blood on his face, his mouth is stained with it. His sunglasses are gone, his eyes are manic. He’s grinning at me, he looks like a doll, like Dave’s-not-home-man, come back later.

His teeth seem huge.

“Dave,” I try to keep it calm, just like Rose, but he’s freaking out and he’s gonna kill me and Rose and I did this and it’s wrong it’s WRONG, “Dave stop, get off, please fucking shit, get off. This isn’t you – oh fuck, I’m a shitty movie now, look what you’re doing.”

There’s a noise by the couch, a groan. Rose. Rose is hurt. She needs me.

“Get off!” I kick anyway. He lunges into it, uncaring. His teeth –

I barely get my other arm up in time for him to tear it open. The pain is like fire, molten and terrifying. I scream, and it opens the door to a panic so blinding that once it grabs me, I’m gone. I’m ten and Ambrose is gonna hurt me and Dave is on his team now and he’ll kill me he’ll kill me –

“GetoffgetoffGET OFF OH GOD _GO AWAY!_ ”

I bunch up both legs this time and crack them into his chest. It shouldn’t be enough, he’s strong, but he flies backward like he’s pulled, smashing through the window, sending glass and the curtain rod clanging down to the floor.

I scramble up and stagger back, staring out the empty window, the fragments of the broken panes reflecting light in firey patterns.

Dave is there in the still-ruddy light of sunset, hanging in the air among the peach-colored clouds and the flat white rooftops like a saint in an old painting, on his way to meet the Man Upstairs. He stares back at me, and I swallow.

For a moment he’s red and gold and perfect.

Then his expression changes, crumples in confusion, and he’s gone.


	14. slapstick lockout

Well, shit on toast. That wasn’t supposed to happen, but goddamn if it isn’t the funniest thing Bro’s seen in almost two hundred years.

He has to pull the roof door shut and retreat back down the stairwell to keep from laughing aloud and alerting Dave to his presence. Oh, fuck, but Davey-boy got it right in the ass. Bro was just hinting toward a little maiming, maybe a complete slaughter, but nope. Can’t just kill and run, not Dave. He has to pour a fat helping of guilt all over everything, douse his life in the gravy of the social-media-obsessed masses.

Chortling now, Bro makes his way down the stairs, almost weightless with mirth. He didn’t expect Dirk to figure out that little slice of vampire lore, but hey, who expects a pig to fly? It was almost worth the whole Three Stooges fuckup just to understand how intuitive the oversexed little monster is. It means Bro will be more than ready next time.

If there is a next time. At this rate, Dave might never be allowed back into that apartment again.

Which would suit Bro just fine.


End file.
